Interview with Mahogany Robots

Okay, so I finally got an interview with one of the top firms in the city.  Nice high rise building, nice pay, practice groups, nice bonuses, the works.   Unfortuntately it was an akward lunch interview, one where four partners grill you while you try to eat.  Lovely concept, no?

Anyway, I arrived at the firm, walked through its mahogany doors, and sat on its leather couches.  I notified the receptionist that I was there, and then to my surprise, saw partners scrambling around, bitching and moaning like little house fraus over who was going to do the interview. 

 Come on people, it’s a free lunch.  And, why would they schedule an interview designed to entice newbies to their mahagony world if they can’t pretend for even five minutes they have one iota of job satisfaction. 

Next came the awkard drive to the restaurant.  Of course I got stuck riding with a partner who has a reputation for being unable to bond with anyone-  including his wife and sons.  Our conversation was lovely.  With great suspicion, he asked me how I received such a glowing letter of recommendation from my former employer, a company I had clerked for.   I told him it was because of my hard work on an intellectual property case that almost went to trial.  He accused me of writing the letter myself.  I told him to call the number listed for the person who signed it.  Genius solution, Non-bonding partner!   Couldn’t you figure this one out on your own, after all don’t you claim to work on billion dollar deals?  Or, perhaps, you are just taking your anger out on me, you know, the anger that has built up from you inability to talk to your wife and sons.  Pathetic.

Now, I wish I could say that the lunch went better, but it didn’t.  It seems as though the head partner forgot that he had another meeting have way through the lunch, or so he claimed.  He just got up and left.  I should have done the same, because eating with these people was literally the most awkward thing I’ve ever gone through in life, more awkward than going through puberty.

The other two interviewing partners had no personality either.   Conveniently, they too, had to leave early so that they could get back to work.  These people must really love to be at their desks! 

I couldn’t help but think that none of these men were capable of being in the presence of a woman.  They seemed like the poor blokes in high school, who could never talk to girls or ask them out.  And now, it seemed as though they either:  a) had gone through a painful divorce invoking a pavlovic response to women or b) just hated their wives because they had to support them while they were chained to their mahagoney desks.   

Anyway, those bastards made be drive back with the same impersonal asshole who accused me of writing my own letter or recommendation.  Oh well, I take comfort knowing that they work in a high rise building.  It is only a matter of time before one, or all of them, jumps.

Dior Show Mascara

After my last post, I just couldn’t help but do a review of my favorite current mascara.  I’m usualy fickle, even with my favorites, so I can’t say that my love affair with Dior Show will be forever, but for now we’re getting along just great.  I have blue, the limited edition plum, black, and black waterproof colors.  So, it’s pretty safe to say I’m obsessed with this mascara, and our relationship has been going on for two years now.  The packaging is glamorous. When you open the tube, it has that distinctive rose scent, which screams old glamour and begs me to put it on.  Now, typically I wear the regular black on the upper lids for daytime, and put the waterproof black on the lower lashes.  I have really long bottom eye lashes and no matter what undereye preparations I do, I get smudging unless I use waterproof mascara on the lower lashes. 

Now, the trick is to apply the bulk of the mascara as close to the base of the lash as possible, and to then do quick strokes upwards towards the lash ends.  This technique will help you avoid clumping, and will truly create long, thick lashes.  For a flirty, Breakfast at Tiffany’s kick, I like to take the end of the wand and run it vertically several times up the upper lashes on the outer corner of my eye.   This creates almost a false eyelash look. 

Now, I’ve heard people complain that that the brush it too bulky, makind it messy to apply.  I think these people don’t apply the product close enough to the base.  But I have noticd that Dior Show has made variations of its award winning mascara with smaller brushes.  Let’s hope this doesn’t mean they will kill the fat brush responsible for the great volume.   

Now for the colors.  The blue mascara feels a little high schoolish and young.  But I gotta tell you, for going out, nothing could make your eyes look brighter and more a wake.  The blue definitely brightens the whites of the eyes, making them even more gorgeous and glamourous.  I do think however, that the blue is probably a little too over the top for the office. 

Now the plum color.  It is gorgeous, particularly on blue or green eyes.  The color looks fabulous with purplish shades, yet is suble enough for the office and also tends to have the brightening effect on the eye whites.  And, with all of the deep hughes of purples in this season, I don’t think that you can go wrong with it.  You must give it a try!  

Now that I have ranted and raved about Dior Show mascara, I will spend some more time focusing on getting a law job so I can continue to buy my beloved mascara.

Drugstore Mascara

Even though I’m trying horribly to pretend I’m a white middle aged man (or a lesbian) to get my foot in the door to get a job in the law profession, when it comes right down to it I’m a girl.  Not just any girl, but a girly girl.  I’m a girl that wants to be fabulous, and as such enjoys fabulous clothes and makeup.  So to pay homage to my true self, and to give myself a break from thinking about finding a job, I’m going to blog about mascara. 

Now, I’m usally not a fan of drugstore makeup.  Call me a snob, but I swear the expensive stuff works better, though I’ve read countless articles about how the ingredients are the same in drugstore makeup as in the expensive stuff.  But every once in a while, when I hear about a good drugstore product, I depart from my coveted Sephora and try it out. 

Now this time, I was enticed by Maybelline’s the Collossal Volume Express.  The packaging could be better.  To me, the fat, yellow tube and purple writing on it looks a little tacky.  But I’ll forgive the poor packaging because it is what it is, it i s not trying to be Chanel or Dior.  What I can’t forgive is the smell.  It has a strong odor, and it is not a good one.  The product appears to be imitating Dior Show.  It has a fat brush and a smell, but the smell is not like Dior Show’s rose scent.  The mascara does go on nicely though.  I found that it gave me long, thick lashes, without any clumping.  And, it was easier to apply than Dior Show because of its slightly smaller brush.  The formula also seems a little thinner, which makes its application easier without any clumping.  And the smell…. it seemed to dissipate after I applied it.  All in all, I liked the mascara.  I wouldn’t hesitate to buy another tube to keep at my office desk, or buy it when I’m in a pinch.  Seriously make-up snobs, consider trying this product.  It won’t disappoint like other much hyped drug store mascaras (cough cough) Great Lash.

The Interview

Okay, so I’ll have to admit, last week I was pretty geared up for my first interview ever at a law firm.  I was interviewed by two (for lack of a better word) schmucks.  One was the son of one of the partners.  I’ll refer to him as the ”Goon”.  The other was a fat Asian man in his late forties.  (Isn’t it pretty hard to be a fat Asian man?)

 Now, the location should have been my first clue that I wasn’t exactly interviewing at a hoity toity national firm.  Afterall, it was located off of the city’s Industrial Road, which screams cheap rent and CHEAP PAY.   The interview went something like this:

Big Fat Middle Age Asian Man (“BFMAAM”): ”Let me tell you about our firm.  We are one of the more prestigious firms in the area that practice employment law and want to remain that way.  As such, we are seeking an associate that can adhere to the high standards that our firm has set.  Is this a place you would be interested in working for?”

Me:  “Yes.” 

My internal dialogue:  “I can see from your Industrial Road address that you must be one of the more prestigious firms in the area.  Is this guy for real?” 

BFMAAM:   ”Now before we get into any more detail about your qualifications, I see you went to a religious university.”

Me:  ”Yes, it was a private university.”

GOON:  (Smiling at me with an abnormally toothy grin.  An eery cross between Gomer Pile and a sexual offender). 

BFMAAM:  “And you went to law school here.  Were there any bars around the university?”

Me:  “Yes,  I think so.”

BFMAAM:  (growing more tense).  Where were the bars located? 

Me:  “I think there was one located across from the university that some of the students went to.” 

BFMAAM:  (losing his patience).  Let’s cut to the chase, do you drink?  I like to conduct a lot of my work after hours at bars, and I need to know if you have a problem with that?  A lot of business happens after hours, and I need to know if you can do business over a drink? 

Me:  “I don’t have a problem with you conducting business at a bar.”

BFMAAM:  (Angrily)  You didn’t answer my question. 

Now my internal dialogue:  “Is this guy freaking kidding me.  He practices emloyment law and is trying to find out if I am Mormon and if I drink in order to see if he can hire me?  He’s already so worked up it looks like he’s jonesing for some hard liquor now.  I’d hate to see him before he’s intoxicated when he’s really worked up.  And, is it really such a good idea to draft legal documents, drunk, at a bar after hours?  Apparently. 

GOON:  (Continues to creepily smile at me and sit way too close):

BFMAAM:  “Well, we’re conducting several interviews, and if I decide to interview you again it will be over lunch.”

Me:  (Robotically)  “Fine.  I’ll look forward to the lunch.” 

Needless to say, I didn’t get the lunch interview.  Refreshing.

Law Hag

Okay, I just graduated from a piss-ass law school and without a top third ranking.  I thought law school was challenging, but no doubt finding a job will be even tougher.  Apparently, even though no one interviewing me has these credentials, to be a viable candidate for an associate position at any law firm, I need to have graduated at the top of my class, have been on law review, have clerked for respected judge, or have clerked for a prestigious law firm (is there really such a thing?).  Oh, by the way, it also wouldn’t hurt if I were a white, male (preferably in my forties (or just looked liked one). 

Now, the mid forties appear to be a great age for recruiting male lawyers because by then it is too late for them to start a new profession, most of them have wives and kids sucking money off them like leeches, and any ambition any of them ever had to pursue any dream was sucked out long ago (probably in law school).  The obvious danger is that at this age, a mid life crisis is likely just around the corner.  But law firms are equipped to clean up any situation, including mid life crises.  A bonus for a new sports car, a weekend “get-away” with one of the few female partners at the firm (don’t worry, they are all single), or firm “retreats” will generally quelch any male’s craving for those oh so distant football glory days.  Oh yeah, apparently it also helps if you can down hard liquor like gatorade on a sweltering day. 

In my mind, I can’t help but think, just hire me, the  younger girl- no kids, no baggage, no midlife crisis, no distractions, easy on the health insurance plan (no forseeable heart attacks).   But damn them, they can’t see past the uterus.   So, for everyone’s amusement, I will share some of the interviews I’ve recently gone on in pursuit of my dream to be an attorney (OK, it is not really my dream, but a means of affording designer clothing).